Friday, March 6, 2009

Getting Ball's Goat

News That Matters
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News sources are reporting this afternoon that the Assemblyman Who Shall Not Be Named reported finding a dead goat in his front yard last night upon returning from Albany. Tied to  the goat's neck was a sign that referred to Viva M-13... an alleged Latino gang. None of the news reports I've read so far have the full text of the message so we'll have to take his word for it.

PolitickerNY reports:

"It had what amounts to a death threat," Ball said, pointing to a sign that he said he found tied to the goat's neck containing, in broken Spanish, a reference to the gang MS-13.
When questioned further about why a goat would be used the intrepid candidate replied,
"I don't know how complicated these people are," he said. "But I was in the 4H for 10 years and I did raise and milk goats."
Well, that's all the reason to use a goat I guess.

According to the Journal News report:
"Ball, 31, has in the past referred to milking goats. At his 30th birthday party at a North Salem restaurant in September 2007, Ball's affinity for goats was on display in many of the photos around the room that showed him posing with the animals through the years."
Hmmm. This just gets better.

A man raised animals on a small farm in the Midwest. The farm was a peaceful place. Then, one day a pig was found murdered in the barn.

Upset, the farmer was determined to find the killer. The only witness was a rabbit. The farmer lined up all the suspects: a cow, a young goat, a horse and a rooster. He told the rabbit to pick out the killer.

The rabbit hopped up and down the line. He stopped and nodded his head at the young goat. Nervously, the goat said, "I didn't do it!"

The farmer replied, "Hare's looking at you, kid."

                                                                                                  Max Walker

Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat? Because they are always butting in.


"Doctor, Doctor I feel like a goat".
"How long have you felt like that"?
..... "Since I was a kid".

Why did the ram run over the cliff?
Answer: ...He didn't see the ewe turn.

Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
..... Because they're always butting in.

How do you keep a goat from charging?
..... You take his credit card away!

Goat Golf Joke

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a billy goat standing next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Baahh. 9 Iron" The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. " Baahh. 9 Iron."

He looks at the billy goat and decides to prove him wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked.

He says to the billy goat, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky goat, eh?" The billy goat reply's " Baahh. Lucky goat."

The man decides to take the billy goat with him to the next hole. "What do you think goat?" the man asks. " Baahh. 3 wood."

The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the billy goat, "OK where to next?" The billy goat reply, " Baahh. Las Vegas."

So, they go to "Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK goat, now what?" The billy goat says, " Baahh. Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks, " What do you think I should bet?" The billy goat replies, " Baahh. $3000,black 6."

Now, this is a million to one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. Once in the hotel room the man says "Goat, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." "Just name it and it is yours." The billy goat replies, " Baaah, Kiss Me."

He figures why not, since after all the goat did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the billy goat turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

".... And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room.
What's for Dinner?

The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.

"Goat," the little boy replied.

"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"

"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.'

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